The world was abuzz with admiration last week for Uni, a blonde raccoon (or cinnamon, as some people are calling him) in Taiwan. His owner, Joyce Tai, took him to a chic place for his usual grooming and decided to adorn him with a rather unique pattern, even if it doesn’t really match the species. Still, shaving is a good way to help a furry little thing deal with the hot summer months, and Taiwan can get hot.
The holiday crass comedy The Night Before, from writer/director Jonathan Levine–who also did Warm Bodies (which I’ve yet to see, even though I keep meaning to) and 50/50 (which also starred Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen)–came out this week. Doing the usual press junket were the stars of the film, including actor Anthony Mackie (I forgot he was in Real Steel.) During a round table with most of the cast for Entertainment Tonight, Mr. Mackie talked about how he knows a place in his native New Orleans that will stuff a turkey with all kinds of other meat, including raccoon. While his fellow actors responded with a mixture of curiosity and a little revulsion, he went on to express that raccoon makes for some tasty meat, but that he doesn’t get to enjoy it too often.
So hey, if you’re looking for to add a little variety to your meal this Thanksgiving, consider some more exotic … yet entirely domestic … meats. Toss in a little raccoon of squirrel. It’ll certainly be more interesting than something with the Butterball label slapped on it.
You can see all kinds of madness at malls these days. Or so I hear. I haven’t been to a mall in ages. Why go to a mall when you can buy stuff online? Besides, I’m not exactly the most ideally shaped person in the world so there’s almost never anything in my size on the racks anyway. And if you’re not talking clothes shopping, then what? Go to Gamestop to buy a video game, as if their prices are ever competitive?
And then there are the parking lots, which on weekends can best be described as nightmare to navigate with witless pedestrians wandering around and making things unnecessarily perilous.
Now, if I was likely to see an adorable little raccoon tooling around on a scooter while at a mall, I’d be way more inclined! Sadly, this seems to be a sight only reported in merry ol’ England. In a shopping center in Turnbridge (Tonbridge?) Twitter user Bobby Bewl spotted this little girl going about on her brightly colored vehicle and, as per usual these days, tweeted a video of it. It turns out the scooting cutie is actually Melanie Raccoon who has been training up for this kind of performance.
California, which has been in a perpetual state of their worst drought ever for a couple of years now, is ironically suffering a bit of flooding at the moment. Would the expression “it never rains but it pours” be appropriate when the actual problem is pouring? At that point it’s not really just a phrase because it’s literally the situation. And I mean literally literal rather than figuratively literal.
Anyway, San Diego got a lot of rain this week and so there was flooding. And by flooding, I mean a few inches (centimeters to those outside the United States.) We’re not talking the feet worth of water that Texas endured a couple of months ago that killed a couple of dozen people. Still, that’s enough to screw up peoples’ homes and make everyone panic. Including animals.
Which brings us to the raccoons in the news, where news crews spotted a couple of raccoons seeking refuge from the rushing waters atop a road sign.
Oh, for crying out loud, they used “rocky” in the title of the posting? That’s so annoyingly cliche. I’m sick of the “rocky” thing. Sure, it’s alliterative, which I guess makes it marginally better than “bandit,” but frankly using it in anything other than an ironic context is just painfully unimaginative. I thought the idiots to pick titles were supposed to be more clever than that. They always go to such lengths to make story titles and segways relevant. I remember once, watching the news about Jennifer Hudson’s troubles, they introduced the story with “She was a Dreamgirl whose dreams turned to nightmares.” Which was such a hilariously tasteless and clunky way of tying her fame with the tragedy. But I guess it’s better than, I don’t know, alluding to some connection to the Hudson river because her name is Hudson. Still better than using “rocky” with “raccoon.”
The Canadian city of Toronto, Raccoon Capital of the World (which is a heck of a lot better than being Raccoon City,) has declared war on raccoons. However, as seen during the Christmas Truce of World War I, not all wars need to lack their humanity. Not even when one side of the war isn’t human! So it was this week, when a dead raccoon was found street side in Toronto, that Animal Services was contacted to respectfully remove the corpse and see to it that it was properly interred. However, as with all bureaucratic entities, they were a little slow to deal with the situation. The body remained on display for 14 hours before they got around to removing it. Maybe the government sought to make an example of the death. Still, the humans in the city did not leave the raccoon corpse to sit and rot, undignified, in the sun. Rather, they paid their respects with candle light vigils, offerings, and–in a very 21st century twist–a hashtag: #deadraccoonto (the “to” being the abbreviation for Toronto) and taking to twitter to voice their grief over the death, love for the animal, and outrage at the city’s handling of the situation. The body was watched over until it was finally disposed.
Truly, a touching event that will be remembered by dozens for days to come.