So apparently some piece of shit college football player named Jack Gangwish decided to abduct a raccoon from the side of the road and try to get a selfie with it. The animal, fearing for its safety, bit him in self-defense. His response was to attempt to capture the raccoon to get it tested for rabies. Instead of merely bludgeoning it into unconsciousness with his crescent wrench, however, he killed it. Knowing how stupid football players tend to be, I imagine he was compelled to do this idiotic act based on the recent commercial featuring Marshawn Lynch and a random raccoon pet.
Here’s hoping the knocks that Jack Gangwish takes while playing football cause his brain to turn to mush sooner rather than later.
- Selfies Gone Wrong @ Runt
- “The Program” Still Imitates College Football 21 Years Later @ Sporting News