Month: December 2014

RACCOONS IN THE NEWS: Jersey City Goes Dark

tumblr_kysn9zikKX1qb1cd3o1_500I used to say that the raccoons were planning a counter offensive.  But this year I learned a new term: “lone wolf” terrorist.  Maybe, just maybe, the raccoons are really sleeper agents working for some terrorist group, likely Canadian, with no real plan of attack so much as spreading chaos.  Hence the anarchistic destruction of garbage cans and random power outages.  The most recent was just this Friday, December 13, in Jersey City, NJ.  The animal got a little too close to parts of a power switch and ended up causing a blackout for two hours, effecting up to 10,000 people in the city.  New Jersey has become something of a hotbed for animal attacks on the modern world, as around Thanksgiving this year a bear killed and ate a hiker.  It’s a nasty state in general, and I guess it’s even getting to the animals.  Be careful out there!

The source link has pictures of the raccoon after it got shocked.  A little nasty.

Source: NJ.com

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RACCOONS IN THE NEWS: Selfish Selfie

So apparently some piece of shit college football player named Jack Gangwish decided to abduct a raccoon from the side of the road and try to get a selfie with it.  The animal, fearing for its safety, bit him in self-defense.  His response was to attempt to capture the raccoon to get it tested for rabies.  Instead of merely bludgeoning it into unconsciousness with his crescent wrench, however, he killed it.  Knowing how stupid football players tend to be, I imagine he was compelled to do this idiotic act based on the recent commercial featuring Marshawn Lynch and a random raccoon pet.

Here’s hoping the knocks that Jack Gangwish takes while playing football cause his brain to turn to mush sooner rather than later.

Source: C|Net