Nobody Asked


I have roommates.  One of them can be pretty annoying.  He seems be under the impression that any thought that crosses his mind must be stated aloud (I am not unaware of the irony of complaining about this on a blog.)  Some examples:

  1. Most recently I was caught between him and another roommate talking.  My hands were full between some papers and a freshly made sandwich which I needed to get to my bedroom, which had a locked door. I mumbled “my hands are full” and put down the sandwich to unlock the door, drop off the papers, and halfway back to the kitchen he yells out “hey, do you still want this sandwich?” Of course, you fucking imbecile, do you really think it completely slipped my mind in the twenty seconds that had passed?  Did you think I was walking back to the kitchen for some unrelated reason? I’m sure the moron thinks he did me a favor, rather than just annoy me.
  2. I parked my car down the street because, with the recent snow, I was having trouble getting uphill towards the house.  He runs into me in the morning and proceeds to barrage me with “I didn’t see your car out front!  Where’s your car? How’d you get here without your car?”  Sorry, I wasn’t aware I was supposed to get your approval to not park immediately within your view.
  3. The house, and kitchen especially, is rather infested with ants (it’s also fairly cramped.)  I prefer not to cook here.  I had inherited some uncooked spaghetti and marinara sauce from a former roommate who’d left them.  As I was talking to a roommate and told him he was welcome to use those leftovers, this annoying roommate happened by and felt the need to chime in: “Afraid of doing a little cooking?  You really should give it a try.  It will save you money.”  Yes, thank you for cracking the code jackass that it’s cheaper to cook for yourself.  I never would’ve figured that out in the five years I was living in my own (clean) place and cooking plenty.

Maybe I’m overly irritable.  But it’s hit a point where I dread running into this fool because it’s such a certainty he’ll say something that I’m sure he thinks is insightful and valuable, but is in truth utterly banal to anyone capable of thinking.  I doubt he intends to be an obnoxious shit; he just naturally is.


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