Where are My SUPER Cheesey Tie Ins?

Yeah, that’s right, I used Comic Sans.
People love to kvetch about the crass commercialism constantly creeping its way into media, the intrusion of commercials–both subtle and overt–into movies and video games was one of the major points of contention.  The Superman movies were no stranger to this, what with a blazing red neon Coke sign being featured prominently in the battle between Superman and his kryptonian enemies in 1980’s Superman 2. One of the more amusing peculiarities of this incestuous marketing was that in addition to commercials adorning the movies, collectors would find themselves swamped by the movies decorating real life merchandise.  When Superman Returns came out, you could find everybody’s favorite blue boyscout on everything from cereal boxes to limited edition Slurpee cups.
Yet here we are in 2013, with the highly anticipated Man of Steel just released to theaters, and there’s nary a tie-in to be found (besides some stupid contest)! This is odd, considering the great lengths the production went to show us that, yes, Smallville is home to an IHOP, 7-Eleven, and Sears.  One would expect some serious cross promotional tie-ins, and yet IHOP is currently pushing its three new pancakes (jelly donut!) and brioche french toast.  Where are my Supermancakes?  Or Man of Steel Cut Oats?  How come 7-Eleven doesn’t at least have Man of Steel lenticular cups or, even better, foot long Zod Dogs, which you’ll have kneel before taking into your mouth?
You let me down, crass commercialism.  I’ll only forgive you if Warner Bros. teams up with Bodyform to bring us Mad Maxipads for the upcoming Fury Road.

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