The Season Finale Nobody Is Talking About

As I admitted last year, I like to watch Finding Bigfoot.  Well last Sunday (Easter, in fact) was the third season finale, making that day a pretty busy day for cable networks as The Walking Dead on AMC and Game of Thrones on HBO had their third season finale and premier, respectively, to rather remarkable ratings. On top of that, the History Channel ended their miniseries of The Bible.  With all that excitement, nobody had talked about Animal Planet’s “reality” series.  This is done for good reason: it remains an embarrassing blight on the TV landscape.  There’s a reason this show provides weekly material to mock on E!’s The Soup; this team of bigfoot finders (“squatchers” in their parlance) display such ineptness that they completely destroy the already questionable reputations of anyone else involved in Cryptozoologic work.

This episode, which found the team looking for the “Wild Man” of Vietnam, of course failed to turn up even the most tenuous of evidence.  Par for course the whole season.  The previous episode was even more remarkable because the true believers of the group (for those who don’t watch, those would be the men; Ranae is the token skeptic) listened to some animal recordings which were purportedly of bigfoots (not “bigfeet”).  I immediately recognized them as coyote calls, not because I’m in any way an experienced outdoors man but because I’ve watched the show and remember what they sound like since they’re the only animals the show has ever caught the calls of. Well, upon hearing the recording the believers said that they believed it was of coyotes, but cautioned that bigfoots were known to imitate the sounds of other animals in order to disguise their presence.  This was a new one on me.  I’ve seen these people insist that their continual failure to obtain evidence was because their prey were endeavoring to hide their presence, but this was the first time I’d seen them take steps to label evidence contrary to existence of bigfoot as possible proof of bigfoot nonetheless.  Now, how can we be sure that all recordings of coyotes or other known creatures were not in fact the sounds of bigfoots pretending to be those known animals?

This is a level of insanity that needs to be researched.  I propose spin-off: Finding Intelligence in Finding Bigfoot.  I suspect it will be as fruitless as the original.

By the way, this episode that took place in Vietnam was titled “Heart of Squatchness,” a reference to Joseph Conrad’s novella Heart of Darkness, which took place in the Congo.  I don’t get it, either.

On the subject of Heart of Darkness, however …

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