RACCOONS IN THE NEWS: The Global Invasion is in Progress

Raccoons aren’t just planning to destroy the human race in the homeland of the continent of North America.  They’ve been sweeping across Europe, not unlike the Martians in H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds, and spreading the myriad diseases they carry.  Why?  Because they intend to wipe out the native species of humans and animals so that their takeover can go unopposed.  HUMANITY WILL WRITHE BENEATH THE TIRES OF A MASSIVE CAR IN A CASE OF TURNABOUT REVENGE!!!


So, anyway, if you’re in Europe and you see a raccoon you should scream “Oh my God (or deity of your choice) the masked bandit shall destroy us all!” in your native language while running away from the animal. Also, raccoons were introduced to Europe by Nazis.

Additional Reading


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s